One of the things I like most about being Australian is the bogan-like language we use. When I say "we", what I really mean is other people who are way more bogan-like than I. Sometimes I enjoy infusing some boganesque phrases into my commentary for funsies, but mostly I just like laughing at them randomly. Usually I find myself doing so in an inappropriate moment, like when I've stopped listening to the conversation happening around me and let my mind go on a little wander. This happened today when I recalled one such saying, which makes number one on the below Top Five Countdown of crude Aussie sayings:
5. "I'll knock your block off"
This is something baby boomer parents would have said to the likes of my generation. Although I'm sure some parents still say it today. Unfortunately, it's not as commonly heard now that smacking your kid up the side of the head is frowned upon. Oh, that's what it means - I'll smack you up the side of your head - really hard. The 'really hard' part is kind of implied.
Other faves of this callibre: "I'll knock you from here to next Tuesday", "I'll knock your teeth so far down your throat, you'll have to stick a toothbrush up your arse to clean them" (can't say I've actually heard anyone say that one, but it was too funny to fail mentioning)
4. "I lost my shit"
Un-princess Jasmine has actually successfully injected this saying into her everyday language. I take my hat off to her; it's pretty awesome. This means you got very very angry, or just could not compose yourself for one reason or another, or had a highly emotional or strong reaction to something that happened. For example, you could say, "When he cut me off in traffic, I just lost my shit" or, like Un-princess Jasmine recently said to me, "Sally, I saw this absolutely sexy DILF the other day. Seriously, you would have lost your shit."
3. "Died in the arse"
Ever had something not quite go to plan? It was all over before it began? Then this is the saying for you. So awesome.
In context: "Sally, whatever happened to that idea of yours to manufacture and market hot cordial?"
"Oh. It died in the arse."
2. "I've had a gutful"
For when you've just had enough.
1. "Suffer in your jocks"
Awfully, this is a way of wishing a horrid fate on someone. By saying this, you are cursing the person to suffer through the discomfort and humiliation of having let out some diahorrea in their pants. Really, what could be worse? This would be reserved for someone who you truly hate. It's pretty much a way of kicking a man when he's down. You may recall in the legendary film, The Castle, lead character Daryl Kerrigan says this to the opposing counsel when he believes his solicitor has just won his case.
Other insulting and no less revolting curses include: suck a fart or eat shit and die.
Now for some honourable mentions:
"I've been running around like a blue-arsed fly" (I've been really busy)
"I haven't seen you since you were knee-high to a grasshopper" (since you were a small child)
"She thinks the sun shines out of her arse" (She has an inflated opinion of herself)
What are some of your faves?